Wisdom, musings and teachings from your favorite Spiritual BadAss...

Sometimes money costs too much. Ain’t that some truth right there.

The pursuit of money cost me integrity, sanity, true connection, freedom and truth. It stole parts of my soul and hid them in places I did not find until all of my being came apart.

I thought the money I made, made me. It became my identity and my worth. I threw it around hoping somehow it would bring love to me. It never did. Instead, it put distance between me and love.

The journey back to my true value has been a long and bumpy road. Still, it makes me question my un-questionable value when I forget to remember. It’s insidious nagging scratches at the door some days, whispering promises of glory and fame. I’m learning to call it in, pour love on it like honey until it finds its place once again.

Money is not my enemy, nor is it my friend. It is a pile of numbers that constantly shifts and moves on my command. No longer does it own me. When I know this it comes willingly to sit at my feet in service.

Love,
Jill

You may have an experience of awakening or an awakening experience. You might go through a trauma or event that caused you to start your awakening. It’s possible to be brought to your knees in a moment of awakening.

But you don’t have an awakening and then you’re awake and your work is done. We must choose it again and again. It is a consistent act of vigilance.

Unless you’re the Buddha, and I’d argue they had to continually awaken too, don’t tell me you had your awakening and now you’re done and can now rest in this.

Keep reading…

What does happen once you’ve had an experience of awakening is that you do not go back to the level of unconsciousness you were in originally. In other words, the contraction is not a match for the expansion experienced. This is true even if you try to go back to how it used to be.

If you are on the path and have had an experience of awakening, you will live differently. It is a powerful shift that occurs, one that has the potential to shift the trajectory of your life. And the ego will fight harder to stay in charge, which is why times and choices of unconsciousness happen and the attention to awakening must continue.

Pray, meditate, take care of your health(s), find a community of people that are also awakening, do your life with a commitment to this path and keep doing these things until you leave this body. Enjoy the ride!

Love,
Jill

I have noticed a shift as of late. No longer am I triggered in any way, other than to feel my heart open, by the word God.

For me, and I would suggest for others, this is a milestone on my path; to have released the meaning of this word that was taught by others and come into a new defining of this for myself that is in alignment with my soul.

I have an intimate relationship with God, one that allows me to offer my life in service to others and open myself to God experiencing what it is to be human through me.

The other morning, Chris and I were discussing this and he stated that the Angels are very protective of God, meaning they will not allow this Divine energy of Love to be negatively impacted by us humans. Since we both believe God resides within each of us, I had to work this through for myself, as I know there are times I would have been a danger to this Love.

This is what came:

Yes, we are all in a relationship with God, however, there is a difference when it comes to the level of relationship, just as it is between humans.

For example, we are all connected on the energetic level at the very least. (Oneness) I am in relationship with a person I have never met that lives on the other side of the world from me due to this law. Now when we meet and become aware of one another, the relationship deepens. If we then spend time together, become in regular communication and share our lives, the relationship becomes intimate.

It is the same in my relationship with God. For many years of my life, and likely till the very end of it, I am working out my relationship with God. First, it was introduced in the form of the Catholic religion. When this no longer fit, I drew away in confusion and fear. As I came into my mid-life years and consciously chose this path of awakening and service it has evolved.

In its current form, I am in an intimate relationship with God. It is one that I nurture daily and call in over and over. I offer my life to Mother/Father God in service. I allow myself to be led in this way.

There’s an old illusion being burned to the ground. It’s the idea that women begin going downhill after the age of 35.

In fact, we are the most powerful group of humans on the planet, both in our support of the economy as well as carriers of wisdom and medicine.

What saddens me is to see and hear women walking in this stage of their lives as if they no longer have relevance or power. If this is you, call me.

The women that you see rocking it here on social media are not the exception, I promise. They don’t have something you don’t have access to, it’s just that they have figured out how awesome they are.

They stopped listening to the often deafening voices that tell them to fade into the background. I’m over that shit and my voice is getting louder, not quieter, thank Mother God!

Fly your grey-hair flag, or dye it pink. Wear your face bare or cover it in sparkles. Rock earth-toned smocks or a bikini. Whatever. Just chose you. Be you. Stop hiding. We need your wisdom. We need your medicine.

she gathered her years
spread the medicine she had collected
in the dirt
whispered her ancient sisters into being
from her womb flowed healing
in her palms the universe expanded
deep in her heart she saved us all

Love and respect to all the elders,
Jill

I have something on my mind this morning about conversations that are ended.

You know, ‘this conversation is over’ kind of ended. One that someone has put up a boundary around.

It happens for many reasons, including because the conversation is causing harm to a person and they have had enough of that shit. It’s healthy and loving to end that kind of conversation.

Here’s where my mind goes from there:

The conversation doesn’t actually stop. It continues on at the very least in the heads of the people that were having it, both sides. Often, it continues between two people that each party has turned to that is in agreement with their position.

Of course, this means there has been no real resolution. Sides have been taken and the conversation is over. As we are in this moment, that is often the best thing that can happen. The visible harm stops and eventually everyone finds some level of peace.

Again, this still means there is no real resolution. What I’m noticing is, if I take this out further, beyond two people not seeing eye to eye, it translates on a much larger scale and the issues become exponentially more problematic. They also directly reflect the original issues that shut down conversations between 2, 4, 6, 10 people.

As I type, my mind is struggling to find the language going forward. It wants to shut down and pull back because it feels like an impossible situation. So many dynamics, so much pot stirring, so much inner reflection and, quite frankly, courage required.

Perhaps what there is to do is stay in the conversations we’re having with ourselves to start, even when it gets uncomfortable. And stay in the conversations with the ones we love and that love us, even when the emotions rage through us. From there, stay in the conversations with acquaintances, and then people that are declaring their pain, and then people that are on the opposite side of an issue.

What that will take, I see, is staying with our hearts wide fucking open. Whew…that takes courage.

Ultimately, this may lead to the really difficult conversations that we have been so divided on for so long such as race, colonization, gender, privilege etc being had with grace and love. It may lead to solutions and coming together rather than division.

We’re not there yet. It’s not safe for many. If you want evidence, just read a few of the comments on posts that POC write and share. The damage caused both by ignorance and fragility is devastating and heartbreaking. I should know; I’ve unwittingly caused it. But because I’ve learned to be willing to keep my heart open and been given the honor of remaining in the conversation, POC have been gracious enough to teach and I’ve shut up long enough to learn.

This is why I know I’m on to something. I know it because I have been a part of staying in with my heart open and finding a place in which everyone feels heard.

I also know I will fuck up again and be challenged to keep my heart open again. And again. That’s ok. I’m willing and that’s where it begins.

If you think you aren’t impacted by this, think again. With this in mind, I ask that you start by reading what I’ve written one more time, with your heart wide open and your walls down. Let it all in and feel what you feel. Once you feel something, stay open and go have a conversation that perhaps you’ve been avoiding because it’s difficult. Stay open. Stay open. Breath. Stay open. You will be a part of the solution. You will be a part of the Love.

There’s more to write, I know. This is perhaps just a beginning but without beginning we go nowhere.

Photo credit: Warren Wong – Unsplash w/edits by me.