I have something on my mind this morning about conversations that are ended.
You know, ‘this conversation is over’ kind of ended. One that someone has put up a boundary around.
It happens for many reasons, including because the conversation is causing harm to a person and they have had enough of that shit. It’s healthy and loving to end that kind of conversation.
Here’s where my mind goes from there:
The conversation doesn’t actually stop. It continues on at the very least in the heads of the people that were having it, both sides. Often, it continues between two people that each party has turned to that is in agreement with their position.
Of course, this means there has been no real resolution. Sides have been taken and the conversation is over. As we are in this moment, that is often the best thing that can happen. The visible harm stops and eventually everyone finds some level of peace.
Again, this still means there is no real resolution. What I’m noticing is, if I take this out further, beyond two people not seeing eye to eye, it translates on a much larger scale and the issues become exponentially more problematic. They also directly reflect the original issues that shut down conversations between 2, 4, 6, 10 people.
As I type, my mind is struggling to find the language going forward. It wants to shut down and pull back because it feels like an impossible situation. So many dynamics, so much pot stirring, so much inner reflection and, quite frankly, courage required.
Perhaps what there is to do is stay in the conversations we’re having with ourselves to start, even when it gets uncomfortable. And stay in the conversations with the ones we love and that love us, even when the emotions rage through us. From there, stay in the conversations with acquaintances, and then people that are declaring their pain, and then people that are on the opposite side of an issue.
What that will take, I see, is staying with our hearts wide fucking open. Whew…that takes courage.
Ultimately, this may lead to the really difficult conversations that we have been so divided on for so long such as race, colonization, gender, privilege etc being had with grace and love. It may lead to solutions and coming together rather than division.
We’re not there yet. It’s not safe for many. If you want evidence, just read a few of the comments on posts that POC write and share. The damage caused both by ignorance and fragility is devastating and heartbreaking. I should know; I’ve unwittingly caused it. But because I’ve learned to be willing to keep my heart open and been given the honor of remaining in the conversation, POC have been gracious enough to teach and I’ve shut up long enough to learn.
This is why I know I’m on to something. I know it because I have been a part of staying in with my heart open and finding a place in which everyone feels heard.
I also know I will fuck up again and be challenged to keep my heart open again. And again. That’s ok. I’m willing and that’s where it begins.
If you think you aren’t impacted by this, think again. With this in mind, I ask that you start by reading what I’ve written one more time, with your heart wide open and your walls down. Let it all in and feel what you feel. Once you feel something, stay open and go have a conversation that perhaps you’ve been avoiding because it’s difficult. Stay open. Stay open. Breath. Stay open. You will be a part of the solution. You will be a part of the Love.
There’s more to write, I know. This is perhaps just a beginning but without beginning we go nowhere.
Photo credit: Warren Wong – Unsplash w/edits by me.